by: Niki Abida, SWI

Talk So Others Will Actually Listen!

Ever had one of those moments when you’re pouring your heart out, and the other person responds with a simple “Okay” or “That’s cool”? Or perhaps you’ve asked your child how their day went, and the answer was a resounding “Fine.” Cue the inner monologue: “That’s it? Fine? What does that even mean?” Communication can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. Add in personality differences, unique communication styles, and the occasional misstep, and it’s no wonder misunderstandings happen. Let’s break it down and figure out how to meet in the middle while respecting each other’s communication styles, boundaries, and needs.

Why does effective communication matter? Research shows that effective communication enhances relationship satisfaction, promotes emotional intimacy, and reduces conflict. According to a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, couples who actively work on their communication skills report higher levels of happiness and lower rates of divorce (Abreu-Afonso et al., 2021). Similarly, open communication between parents and children enhances emotional security, self-esteem, and better problem-solving abilities. Communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about listening, interpreting, and responding in ways that honor the other person’s perspective. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned and refined.

Emotional vs. Logical Leaning Communicators

Imagine that you’re discussing your day with your partner, and you’re met with minimal responses or straight-to-the-point comments. If you’re someone who thrives on emotional connection and storytelling, it might feel like the other person isn’t engaging.

But what could be happening here? You may be attempting to communicate with a logical communicator! People who lean toward a more logical way of thinking often process information in concise, practical terms. They’re focused on solving problems and might prioritize efficiency in conversations versus the nuances, emotions, and details of a story. This difference can sometimes create friction. The feeling-brained person may think, “Why don’t they care?” while the logical-brained person wonders, “Why do we need to go over every detail?”

Communication often involves a delicate interplay between emotional and logical leanings. Emotional communicators are driven by feelings and often seek immediate validation, whereas logical communicators are analytical, and solution focused. Both approaches have their place, but striking a balance is key to effective communication.
For example, during a disagreement, emotional responses might lead to heightened expressions of frustration or hurt. Logical thinking, on the other hand, can help de-escalate the situation by focusing on facts and possible solutions. The challenge lies in acknowledging and validating emotions while steering the conversation toward constructive outcomes.
Rather than viewing one approach as superior to the other, it’s important to recognize the strengths each style brings to the table. Emotional communicators foster deeper connections by focusing on feelings, while logical communicators help ground conversations in clarity and resolution.

Each person has their own unique communication style.

Practical tips for improving communication with your partner:

• Active Listening: This means fully concentrating on what your partner is saying, rather than preparing your response. Reflect back what you’ve heard to ensure understanding, such as, “What I hear you saying is…”
• Use “I” Statements: Instead of blaming, express your feelings and needs without attacking. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when we’re discussing important topics.”
• Practice Empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Ask questions like, “How did that make you feel?” to demonstrate that you care about their perspective.
• Set Aside Time for Open Dialogue: Life gets busy, but setting aside uninterrupted time to talk about your relationship helps prevent resentment from building up.
• Nonverbal Communication Matters: Your tone, facial expressions, and body language often speak louder than words. Ensure they align with the message you want to convey.

No relationship is without its hurdles. Misunderstandings, defensiveness, and unresolved conflicts can create barriers. When these arise, try to be mindful and you can always pause and revisit the situation with a calmer mindset. Healthy communication MATTERS!

(Editor: Natalie Bunner, LCSW-BACS)

by: Sarah Rentrop, SWI

Picture me sitting at my computer with a racing heart, sweating hands, trying to slow my breathing, and all that jazz as I hit “Submit” to make this post accessible for anyone on the internet—because that’s what’s happening. This is a big deal for me.

Normally, if I know you well enough and if it feels organic or relevant, I would probably tell you that I’m autistic—but like this??? Unfortunately, reader, we haven’t gotten the chance to know each other, so I don’t have those warm and fuzzy feelings of safety which can usually tell me I’m free to share that personal fact with you. It also feels like quite a “big deal” to be autistic, given all the stigma, the discrimination, the misunderstandings, and oftentimes the general lack of understandings when someone is this way.

So… why am I sharing this?

Well, I’m (knowingly) taking a risk, to be sure. I’m also doing something the authors of the 2022 book Uniquely Human call “self-advocacy”. In Uniquely Human, Dr. Barry M. Prizant and Tom Fields-Meyer, also simply and meaningfully described autism as “a different way of being human”, not an illness; that’s the perspective I hope we all come to see, and I want to help along the way. To do that, I need to start by “throwing my hat in the ring” because I think more experiences need to be heard from the community of people like me—of late-diagnosed, high-masking, low-support-needs autistics (especially women). As you’ll soon learn, I’m really new to this community, but I’m very ready to do my part in dismantling stigma, unknowns, misconceptions—all of it.

Now, why do I think I’m capable to do some dismantling? Well, I think I’m a pretty good candidate, and I’ll explain why. See, if you just met me and/or if you didn’t know what signs to look for, you might never know I’m autistic.

Hiding the “Weird”: The Cost of Overcompensation

It seemed like I’d gotten decent at compensating for (essentially concealing) the way my brain works–until about two years ago, and ohhhhhhhh man, have I learned a lot since. (Of course, that’s a whole story too—we’ll get there.) Some people don’t know an autistic person can “look like” someone like me; that is, some people are only familiar with the concept of an autistic person presenting with a stereotyped set of behaviors and vocalizations and not meeting your eyes when talking with you, etc., which is why I feel it’s important for me to be transparent about the person I am. I think that if people know about a behavior called “masking” (and the mental gymnastics and complex experiences that go with it), we’ll be on our way in our journey of greater understanding. In Uniquely Human, Dr. B. Prizant and Tom Fields-Meyer describe masking as “when people on the autism spectrum make efforts to hide or camouflage their autistic traits for fear of being ostracized or discriminated against”. Masking can be so uncomfortable that it gets painful on cognitive, emotional, and even physical levels; also, not all autistics even have the ability to mask, which further excludes them from participating in places and social settings that are (though possibly needn’t be) abrasive to their neurologic makeup.
Knowing that people must do this just to walk in society, my hope is that knowledge stirs in you the same inspiration that it does in me: the idea that surely, we must be able to make the world a more fair place for everyone to exist as themselves. From there, I see more dismantling becoming possible—first, we’ll take apart misinformed ideas, unfair prejudices, and resulting acts of discrimination, and then we’ll stand a chance of rebuilding mindsets, social structures, policies, accommodative programs… I could go on.

The Journey Towards My Most Authentic Self

Because of my long history of masking, I’ve sort of walked with a foot in two worlds—those of the neurotypical and the neurodivergent. From the time I figured out I was pretty different (like different enough to get some undesirable attention), early in childhood, I started practicing hiding some differences behind a mask—though I was completely unaware I was doing so. I just thought social interactions were always supposed to be performances, so I had to learn how to “act”. Until quite recently, my true autistic self was continually coerced into stealth mode, safely tucked away (although I later learned the hard way this was not safe for my nervous system) until I could be with my people with whom I knew I could be “weird”. (Note: I don’t like having used the word “weird” there, and I want to be clear that I do not think of other autistics as “weird”. I wanted to include it only because it always was and still sometimes appears to be part of my self-concept—and I’m working on that. Also, this seems like a great time to mention an awesome site I recently found: https://autisticnotweird.com/ )

So, How Am I Doing?

It has been two years since I learned I’m autistic, and I shared that I’ve learned so much since then. Well, here’s just a handful of really cool things: I’ve enjoyed significant gains in self-awareness, self-compassion, interoception (sensing what’s going on in my body), and embracing my strengths. My favorite strengths I’ve discovered have been some innate neurological capacities of autistic brain “wiring” and also my own unique attributes.

My lifelong fears about being awkward and unacceptable are continually diminishing, and what has been kicking them out is the expansion of my self-assuredness that it is okay for me to be myself in the world and my belief that the world actually needs more empowered autistic beings. With greater compassion for myself, I can continue working on releasing the pressure I always forced on myself to do, perform, and be more than I was ever realistically, neurologically, and autistically capable to do.

I hope that my desire to end this piece with a tone of optimism does not downplay the lifelong struggles. (Like I said, I want to bring those into the light in another piece very soon.) I’ve found that “light at the end of the tunnel” success stories have sometimes left me as a reader with a sense of relief that “everything’s okay now”, which I think can bypass reflections on the true suffering shared earlier in the writing. You may not feel the same, and I can surely understand that. I know that we need to be able to relish in that place of relieved optimism and peace. I want you to know that it has taken countless hours of therapy, research, and work for me to reach this point of personal satisfaction on my journey—I have gratitude to a multitude of skillful, wonderful people—and the work goes on.

(Editor: Natalie Bunner, LCSW-BACS)

Written by: Niki Bida

Financial Stress Affects Your Mind and Wallet

When bills pile up and debts hang over your head, it’s easy, AND completely normal, to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even hopeless at times. Constant worry about finances can lead to anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. You might start to withdraw from social activities, leading to isolation and loneliness, or spend sleepless nights worrying about how to make ends meet.
But you’re not alone in this. Financial stress is common, and there are tools and support available to help you manage it. By focusing on your mental health and using practical strategies like budgeting, financial assistance, practicing self-care and connecting with others, you can start to ease the burden. Reach out if you need help—there’s always support out there for you!

The First Step to Easing Financial Stress

Acknowledge the Impact: The first step is acknowledging how financial stress is affecting your life and mind without judgment. It’s easy to feel guilt, shame, or frustration when money problems arise, and those feelings can build up quickly. Before you know it, you’re withdrawing, isolating, and avoiding the problem entirely, creating a cycle that feels impossible to break. Keeping these worries bottled up only makes the stress worse. But know this, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Financial stress is more common than we realize, and recognizing how it’s impacting your mental health is the first step toward managing it.

When money is tight, the key is to focus on what really matters, such as your fixed expenses like housing, utilities, and basic needs. Simplifying your budget can take the edge off that feeling of uncertainty and give you some control over your situation. It’s all about taking small, manageable steps, and once you do, you’ll start to feel more empowered.

Here’s three ways to locate financial strain:

• Start by listing your fixed expenses (rent, utilities, etc.).
• Identify your variable expenses (groceries, entertainment, clothing etc.).
• Track your spending to see where adjustments can be made.

How to Set Reasonable Financial Goals

Dealing with Debt

Debt can be one of the heaviest sources of financial stress, but it doesn’t have to consume you. Start by creating a plan that addresses your financial reality and meets your household needs. Here are a few ways to approach it:

• Debt Snowball Method: Pay off your smallest debt first while making minimum payments on the others. Knocking out the smaller debts can give you momentum.
• Debt Avalanche Method: Focus on paying down the debt with the highest interest rate first. This minimizes the total amount you’ll pay over time.

Finding Support

If you’re feeling stuck and overwhelmed by debt or bills, reaching out to a financial counselor can be a game-changer. Taking advantage of available resources can not only ease your financial stress but also improve your mental well-being and set you up for a more secure future. For example, your employer may participate in an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that provide financial literacy programs. Other entities that may help are:

• Banks: check to see if they offer free financial counseling—many do!
• Government programs: SNAP, LaCHIP and other assistance programs may be available to you and help alleviate financial strain.
• Local organizations and non-profits: Programs like SMILE and Catholic Charities of Acadiana may be able to provide financial or utilities assistance.

Financial stress is more common than we realize, and recognizing how it’s impacting your mental health is the first step toward managing it.

Take Care of Yourself, Mentally and Financially

Re-center & Self-Care: Taking care of your mental health is just as important as managing your finances. When financial stress hits, it can lead to anxiety and burnout. That’s why self-care isn’t just a luxury, it’s essential and doesn’t have to cost you a dime! Even small steps can make a big difference in how you feel emotionally and physically during challenging times.

When you’re under financial stress, your body might be stuck in fight-or-flight mode, making it hard to think clearly. Finding mindful ways to re-center can help break that cycle.

One way to slow down and clear your mind is to start simple. Try deep breathing for 5-10 minutes a day. Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale slowly for 8 counts. You’d be surprised how much it helps. And if you can, get moving—physical activity, even just a walk, releases endorphins that naturally reduce anxiety. These small acts can calm your mind and body so you can approach your financial challenges with a more grounded mindset.

You’re Stronger Than Your Financial Stress

While financial stress can feel isolating, know that you’re not alone and there are ways to cope. Remember, it’s okay to reach out for help whether from a friend, financial counselor, or therapist. You don’t have to go through this journey alone. Small actions today, like creating a budget, building an emergency fund, or simply talking to someone about your struggles, can make a significant difference in both your financial and emotional well-being.

(edited by: Natalie Bunner, LCSW-BACS)

By: Kasha Martin and Natalie Bunner, LCSW-BACS

Remember Alyssa*? She was our case study in Part 1 of this series who struggled with obsessional thoughts around school which led to compulsive behaviors. She has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. Due to the school-related stressors she experienced, Alyssa began to exhibit compulsive behaviors which included hair pulling, or trichotillomania. Today, we will explore the reality of the “C” in OCD – compulsions – what triggers them and how they may present. But, before we do, let’s have a side bar….

Trichotillomania…What is That??

Perhaps you have heard of trichotillomania before; in fact, you may have even heard of it in the context of OCD. Many people assume that it is simply a symptom of OCD. It is important to note that while hair pulling can be a compulsive behavior associated with OCD, it is not always related to OCD. Trichotillomania is a stand-alone diagnosis where the compulsion to pull one’s hair or skin is the primary expression of the disorder. Meanwhile, the compulsions seen in OCD are usually related to obsessional thinking and can included many actions one may take to assuage them.

Compulsions: Triggers and Presentation

Compulsions are repetitive actions that people with OCD have in response to an obsession. Compulsions can be physical or mental. They are rarely rational or logical in action; they are performed out of an overwhelming need to react to the anxiety induced by obsessional thoughts. We know that obsessive thinking is usually the primary trigger for compulsive behaviors. As a quick recap, the focus of obsessive thoughts may be:

• A fear of being contaminated by germs, viruses, body fluids, or chemicals
• Fear of losing control of your body, thoughts or behavior with ruminations about how our lack of control could hurt others, accidentally or on purpose
• Undesired sexual thoughts, acute or chronic, that may include thoughts, or images that are disturbing
• Moral obsessions, particularly fear of not being “holy” or ethical enough
• Preoccupation with order, design and having things occur in very specific ways

Compulsive behaviors are usually chronic and intrusive. Once the mental connection is made between the thought and action, it is extremely difficult to dissuade the behavior. Compulsive behaviors might include:

• Washing hands excessively or excessively cleaning objects to eliminate perceived contamination
• Checking things repeatedly for reassurance
• Excessive religiosity or zealotry
• Chronic counting, tapping or use of certain colors to ward off anxiety
• Rigidly following routines regardless of their effectiveness
• Hoarding behaviors from fear of loss

Ways to Manage OCD Compulsions

Now that we have identified signs and symptoms of OCD, what can we do to manage them? First, be willing to learn. With education, parents can help their children understand themselves better and build confidence in their ability to cope with OCD-related challenges. Next, use your resources. Consider what your child will need to effectively manage their symptoms and connect with those who can help you and your child. Their pediatrician, therapist, psychiatrist, school counselor are just a few people who can help you get the assistance you need to help. Remember, with the right interventions, your child can live a productive and fulfilling life. There is HOPE!

*Alyssa is a fictional character created to convey a person with OCD.