Embrace the Journey
My first Lafayette Mom entry, called Jumping In Puddles, was posted this week! I was so apprehensive about how it would be received and am so grateful that it was liked and shared by my wonderful followers! Keep reading, y’all, there’s more to come!
“Can you watch my little so I can go shopping? ” ( The ‘little’ is your 11-year-old nephew who’s a hellion that destroys your house and eats ALL the snacks.)
“You got $50 I can borrow? I’ll pay you back this time, I swear!” (She owes you $200 already.)
“Would you like to invest in [name that pyramid scheme] for only $400?” (You don’t have $400 to throw at a ‘business’! Your girl is still holding half of that, anyway.)
You really don’t want to watch the little booger. You are also tired of giving your friend loan after loan, knowing that you will never get your money back. And, very few people actually make money with ‘get-rich-quick’ deals anyway. There is a two-letter word that will absolve you of each of these obligations:
We have been conditioned to avoid saying “No” at all costs. What kind, thoughtful, selfless person would you be if you used that awful word? Despite our upbringing, being able to choose not to do, say, act the way others want us to can be a sign of emotional health. Here are aspects of saying “No” in a healthy way.
The Truth Works Best: Instead of talking in circles, say “No” gently but directly. The world will not explode.
Express without Excuses: It is counter-productive to make excuses for why you are saying no. You don’t have to qualify your decision. It is best to just say what you need to say.
Combat Codependency: Everyone will not be happy with your response. Those who expect you to roll over and comply with their every wish may not like your assertiveness. However, saying no allows you to break cycles of codependency and maintain integrity.
Don’t be scared. If you don’t want to do it, just say “No”. If you don’t agree with it, just say “No”. You can do it.
Are you looking for ways to engage your kids without using TV, iPad or smartphones? Want to engage their listening skills and increase the use of their imaginations? If so, you will love these awesome podcasts for kids!
My kids LOVE this podcast! Story Pirates create riveting adaptations of stories and music written by children from around the world. They celebrate the imaginations of kids by interviewing the writers and highlighting their amazing efforts to make the world a better place. The acting and singing is on point, too!
Mindfulness coach Amy Taylor-Kabbaz embodies true serenity as she takes children on imaginative yet relaxing journeys before bed. Using simple yet effective breathing exercises and meditation techniques, she helps my boys relax and mentally prepare to rest. Edison rarely stays awake for an entire episode!
The diversity of culture that makes Lafayette, LA the amazing city it is gives me a deep sense of gratitude. Lafayette Farmers and Artisans Market this week participated with FoodDay.org to introduce us to amazing treats from around the world while filling the atmosphere with music inspired by the Cajun culture embedded in the fibers of Louisiana. I am thankful that our kids can experience international community on any given Saturday here in Lafayette!
DON’T FORGET!! This FREE Online event begins on OCT 16 – 20, 2019! This Summit is focused on Mindfulness and Social Emotional Learning, identifying ways for parents, educators and other professionals to provide healthy, safe environments for children. You can watch the videos any time between the date above, at your convenience!
Finding a hairstylist that can consider your child’s sensory challenges in Lafayette wasn’t as easy that I thought. However, we lucked up when found Julie Pastor at La Famille Hair Salon on Congress Street! She worked wonders with Edison; he enjoyed the experience and looks awesome! Thank you, guys! You have definitely earned a loyal customer!
Walking into the gym, I found him surrounded by four 5th-grade girls. He looked angry yet resigned, fending them off half-heartedly as they taunted him, slapped at him, tried to steal his glasses from his face. Again. This was clearly a bullying incident. Immediately, the behavior was disrupted, the girl gang was disbanded and the Behavioral Specialist intervened. Sidebar: bullying should not be tolerated in any setting. What made this incident more challenging was that, while the environment was loud and chaotic with kids laughing and shouting around him, he did not make a sound. He just sat on the bleachers, watching me. I knew why he hadn’t tried to defend himself with words or report his bullies to teachers. It was because he couldn’t.
He has selective mutism.
According to the Selective Mutism, Anxiety and Related Disorder Treatment Center, “Selective Mutism (SM) is a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child’s inability to speak and communicate effectively in select social settings, such as school. These children are able to speak and communicate in settings where they are comfortable, secure, and relaxed.” Due to debilitating fear and anxiety, children with SM feel incapable of articulating their thoughts and feelings. Thus, they experience extensive bouts of silence. The internal and external pressure to express with words further entrenches the inability to talk. So, I knew that this conversation would be unique. In order to release his thoughts and feelings with me, he had to see me as an ally. He had to feel like I was truly listening to what he had to say, even though he would not speak a word. Above all, he needed to feel safe and be heard.
When he entered my office, I produced a colorful array of dry erase markers and let him choose a color. Pulling chairs up to my writing board, I briefly explained that I wanted to talk to him about the incident that happened earlier. I pulled a marker from batch and wrote, “What happened?” He stood at the board and pondered. Sitting next to him, calm and assuring, I allowed him the space to process the question. He began to write his account of the event on the board. I did not read his answers aloud as we ventured into his thoughts and feelings; he had already expressed them so repeating them was not necessary. At times, I could hear a slight humming, as if he was testing his voice, but I did not call attention to it. We processed the incident and how it impacted him, in writing. My last question was, “What can I do to help you?” He thought about it for almost a minute. He then responded, “Let me come to your office when I can’t handle it.” That statement expressed two important things: one, he was willing to attempt communication with me because I met him at his level of ability. Two, he had found a place on campus where he felt safe.
October is Selective Mutism Awareness Month. If you are interested in learning more about SM, check out the following sites:
This FREE Online event begins on OCT 16 – 20, 2019! This Summit is focused on Mindfulness and Social Emotional Learning, identifying ways for parents, educators and other professionals to provide healthy, safe environments for children. You can watch the videos any time between the date above, at your convenience!
This has been an amazing weekend! After participating in @thelafayettemom “Mom’s Night Out” event on October 5th, I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of @thelafayettemom group of contributors. I am looking forward to this new adventure of connecting with other moms and families of Lafayette!
Looking for ways to increase gratitude? UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, in collaboration with HopeLab, launched Greater Good in Action provides us with practices that can improve our ability to see the good around us. The Gratitude Journal gives us guidance on ways to enhance our journaling experience. Check it out!
Here is one of the things that remain constant in Social Work: the work is plentiful and those who can do it effectively are few. Perhaps that is what makes the work so compelling; those of us who do social work well are tenacious and are willing to go above and beyond to help our fellow human. The primary principle of Social Work is to service the need of others. Even when resources are significantly limited.
Finding resources in Lafayette, LA that aren’t already tapped out for this fiscal year is a monumental challenge. Community non-profits are stretched thin and philanthropy is currently in ebb as companies save their charity dollars for the holiday season. Food banks and churches battle the “feast to famine” phenomenon that impacts their ability to serve their communities consistently. Good intentions clash with dwindling resources and social workers are left to attempt to bridge the two to provide desperately needed services.
I’ve needed all weekend to process this past week. And, man, what an experience it has been! School fights, DCFS calls, helping a displaced family found temporary housing, working with the truancy team to stem the flow of absenteeism. It was a lot. What made the week more exhausting was that, at times, it felt like I was going it alone. There are elements of the work that can be done by other professionals. And I work with an amazing group of them; teamwork truly makes the Dream work! But, compassion fatigue is definitely real. (We will certainly revisit this topic later!) When I receive a report from a teacher that one of their students came to school with bodily injuries, the expectation is that I, the social worker, will investigate. Although teachers are mandated reporters, the understanding is that, if the child reports that her injuries were made by a caregiver that I, the social worker, will file a report with the Department of Child and Family Services. During those instances, the work can feel daunting and overwhelming.
Look, we know we signed up for this; we’re not having a pity party around here. We social workers just need a minute to remember that, just as we can be effective in providing resources in a state that is known for its resource deficits, using our personal lifelines are just as important. As social workers, we need to identify and utilize the people, programs and community connections to regain and maintain a professional and personal surplus.
When we slow down long enough to think it through, we realize that we are not doing this incredible work alone. We have our people and they are legit. We can do this.
Teachers, looking for ways to increase mindfulness in your classroom practice that is trauma-informed? This article provides us with effective guidelines that helps create healthy environments for our scholars!
Today, I am grateful for:
Some days, I simply do not have this parenting thing together! Last week, my parenting style felt more like Atilla the Hun than Mother Theresa. The boys and I really struggled to get into sync; my patience waned when they needed it the most and my desire for quiet cuddles was swept away with wrestling and chaos. Managing my feelings of weariness and worry about personal struggles was challenged by the demands of parenthood. I don’t know about you but fatigue and anxiety is one toxic couple! The pesky thoughts began to surface again: “What are you doing?? You handled that WAY wrong! Do you want them to resent you for reacting that way? How can I love them so much and be so annoyed by them at the same time?!” I just KNEW I wasn’t winning the Mom of the Week award. And, because I love my little Spartans so much, those hard days feel like monumental failures. Have any of you moms ever felt this way?
Here’s what I’m learning, though. Parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. Working at it until I create healthy skills that leads to effective parenting. Hearing Edison apologize to Oliver when he mishandles playtime, without my prompting, tells me that modeling remorse when I have a parenting misstep has taught him the value of an apology. Watching Oliver show genuine concern when Edison falls from his bike reminds me that nurturing Ollie teaches him how to care for others. So, even on the “Mom, You Suck'” days, my kids are still soaking up lessons that can enhance their lives in such amazing ways.
Here’s a few ways that we can triumph in this mammoth season called Parenthood. Perfect parents aren’t required for our kids to grow into well-rounded citizens but being emotionally healthy parents, is.
Children are like wet cement. You will leave an impression, good or bad. What kind of impression should we strive to leave? How do we know when we’re positively impacting our kids’ worldview?