So many kiddos will be returning to school completely disoriented from the school process. Remember, they have been out of school for over five months and not all of them had access to instructional time. We can expect many of them to return emotional dysregulated and understand that they will require front loading of care and support. Don’t be stingy with it; providing them with it early in the year will help them to settle into the class schedule much easier.
Thanks:
Teachers, you have your work cut out for you, there’s no doubt. But, we know that you have all the ability, drive and persistence necessary to make your classroom a place of safety and growth. We champion you, support you and will be sending lots of thoughts, prayers and school supplies to you this year!
Take a moment to explore this poignant exploration of Maya Angelou: “The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud. Somebody who may not look like you. May not call God the same name you call God — if they call God at all,” she chuckled. “I may not dance your dances or speak your language. But be a blessing to somebody. That’s what I think.”
What do you think? In the current global climate where the world seems so dark for some, what can we do to bring love and light into the lives in our corner of the world?
If you want to know, ask @steven on IG. Some are qualities we strive to have but other traits he list may not have made your list yet! Explore this: what do YOU find attractive about you? What do you find attractive about those around you? Are the qualities the same or are they different? Are there characteristics that you wish you had? Which qualities are you striving to nurture within yourself?
Thanks:
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Today, I am truly grateful for every prayer, word of encouragement and bit of support I have received over the past few years that resulted in the passing of my clinical license exam today! When I consider all of the amazing people I connected with during this journey, I am incredibly grateful for the unplanned detours that placed me at the right place at the right time and prepared me to achieve the goal of becoming a #LCSW. To my Support Squad, I thank YOU!
It is easy to get overwhelmed just thinking about the global needs around us. Seriously, how are we expected to heal every societal ill that our world is facing right now? Here’s the truth: we are not. Fixing every single issue we encounter in our daily lives is not a reasonable expectation, either. Instead of fighting the unwinnable battle of singlehandedly saving the whole world, let’s recenter ourselves and focus on what we can do right now, in this moment. Look around, here in the present, and see what you can do to positively impact your environment. Square up and start there.
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@goheadteach is a self-proclaimed millennial educator who identified eight ways to actively resist systemic oppression. (Click the pic to check out her IG!) Remember, my amazing allies, this is where your privilege is most beneficial! Keep standing up! Continue to help that one person, who will then help another person until… We ARE changing the world!
Thanks:
Take the time to say a prayer of thanks for every breath, every glimpse of beauty and every opportunity to do good in the world. Express gratitude in every action and shine the light of hope on those who may not feel any today. And, if you are the tender soul who is not feeling tons of thankfulness and hope today, know that I am grateful for you. Despite the challenges you are facing, you showed up today. And for that, I thank you.
A huge part of parenting includes encouraging and influencing the uniqueness in our children. As much as we may aspire for them to become members of amazing professions or social circles, the greatest gift we can give our children is the space to become their most authentic selves. We didn’t birth robots or clones; we are raising children of unique abilities, perspectives and insights. Let us embrace it and support their efforts to do the same.
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We have reached the middle of the summer and our thoughts have turned to, “What’s next?” Just the thought of returning to school is sending some of us into intense anxiety. With the global climate as it is, which includes social unrest, financial instability, and a pandemic, bouts of anxiety are normal. Here are some ways to explore such thoughts and feelings with your child (and with yourself). Remember, it isn’t about curating the perfect response; it is about taking a breath, getting control over the excessive thinking and focusing on RIGHT NOW.
Thanks:
You are worthy of gratitude! Take a moment today to list the things about you that you are thankful for. Understand that there are so many wonderful ways in which you contribute to the world. There is only ONE you and the universe is so glad you are here!
@rockinruski is an amazing illustrator who explores the beautiful, bittersweet symphony of life. She writes: “#covid19 is bringing up lots of strange conflicting feelings…at the same time. It seems like a paradox to feel two very opposite emotions simultaneously, but in fact, it’s so real. We often aren’t even aware of the spectrum of emotions within us. What helps is reminding myself that it’s ok if my gratitude is tinged with sorrow. If my fear is lightened by curiosity and relief. Both are allowed to be together, even if it feels strange and foreign holding both within our bodies. “
This season is certainly stretching us, mentally, emotionally, physically. Our innate reaction is to pull away from the pain; we do not like ‘uncomfortable’. But, it is in this space, that we flourish. So, instead of clinging to one emotion as we wrestle away from the other, let us embrace ALL the feelings. Be mindful of how they take up space together, how one emotion may even balance the other one into a more manageable feeling. Remember, they may cause a bit of dissonance, but the whole moment has considerable value. Embrace all of it.
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@FemenistSexEd writes: Rest is not the enemy of change. Your body and mind need rest in order to maintain its energy. But rest isn’t just “doing nothing” — there are many ways that you can recharge your batteries and stay energized for the long haul. Here are small things you can do to recover your energy as you continue to fight racism and make sure that everyone knows that #BlackLivesMatter.
Busyness does not guarantee productivity; in fact, it is actually the antithesis of the term as it typically creates a cyclic pattern that leads to nowhere. Rest, however, allows space to reset, recharge and renew our desire for healthy and productive change. Let us not allow guilt or shame to keep us from the necessary act of rest. Create space to thoroughly rest our hearts, minds and bodies so that we can continue to fight the good fight.
Love. Your. Neighbor. Sounds so simple; it seems to be such a doable ask. Yet, acknowledging the current climate of our world leads us to process this: can we? Can we truly love our neighbor? Regardless of their race, class or sexual orientation? Can we see our fellow man as valuable and treat them with care? Today, mediate on those in our environment. How can we show agape love to them?
Tip:
Part of loving our neighbor includes identifying the things we may do or say that impairs that love. Consider how our effort to remain removed from the life experiences of others may present with toxic positivity. It doesn’t negate our good intentions; it simply makes it that much harder for those who are suffering to honestly explore their feelings with us. Instead, let us we show love by opening our hearts, minds and ears, holding space for our neighbor and being an active part of change.
Thanks:
To the friend who sat alongside me during the dark days, I thank you. For the moments when I was overwhelmed into silence, your voice rose in solidarity. I am grateful for your continual faithfulness and unyielding support and I promise, in your time of need, I will diligently return it to you.
The past few months have caused the world to go on a quest, whether intentionally or reluctantly, to explore the true meaning of justice. I will say that this journey has not been easy nor are we close to our destination. What I do believe is that we, as a global society, must make this arduous trip together if we truly expect to experience social justice in our lifetime. I am ready. Are you?
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“What is it that we need to do? How can our mindfulness and compassion practices support us to develop the strength, the steadfastness, the stamina, to turn TOWARDS the things we have been trained not to see and to actually breakthrough whatever might be keeping us apart from feeling each other’s common humanity, feeling the love we know we have in our hearts for each other and acting from that as a core of our practice?”
Rhonda McGee, Professor of Law, Author of The Inner Work of Racial Justice
Thanks:
This week has been one for the books!! Change is inevitable and happens, whether we’re ready or not, so there is nothing better to do than to embrace it and look for the lessons it brings. This week, the lesson learned was that although I felt at my most vulnerable, the thunderous support, encouragement and love I have experienced has been awe-inspiring. It is one thing to hope that your words and actions are positively contributing to the world around you but it is another thing to KNOW that you have. I appreciate every reader who walked a portion of my journey with me this week. You have brought light to my life in more ways than one and, for that, I am forever grateful.
Today, on June 12, we are celebrating Loving Day and the couple whose love brought down a wall of systemic racism, by sharing our love story. It took over two years after meeting each other before there was a spark. Wayne was quiet, reserved, stable. A rule follower. I was outgoing, direct, a bit of a rebel. Always on the go. Our friend circles rarely intersected so, initially, we seemed to dance around each other yet never connected. In 2010, everything changed.
As our friend circles became more enmeshed, our interaction grew from Hello and Goodbye to conversations. One day, he mentioned that he enjoyed going to matinees. As it was also one of my favorite things to do, I offered to go with him. So, on Friday afternoons, we would meet up at the movies, get popcorn and catch up on the latest blockbuster in a nearly empty theatre. Matinees turned into movies and coffee, then movies and dinner. There was no rush to make it into something; we just enjoyed each other’s company. The more I got to know him, the more I liked him and the more I wanted to learn about him.
I would be lying if I said that I did not think about what could happen if I became intimately connected with him. As a black woman, I understood that there was a societal understanding that, although it was not illegal to date and marry someone outside your race, it wasn’t necessarily accepted. Especially in the South. And, I was really beginning to like Wayne. Like, REALLY like him. This relationship felt different from the previous ones. It had merit. It held promise. I truly began to feel as if this one could truly work. But, I knew that part of our conversation had to include how race could and would play a part in our relationship.
“I’m Going to Take You Out on a Date”
I was on the road for a gig and missed his birthday party. I called him to wish him a Happy Birthday and told him, “When I get back, I will take you on a date.” Bold, I know! But, he was holding space in my heart, even if I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself yet. Our official first date was at Mel’s Diner (let us have a moment of silence for one of the BEST diners in Lafayette that is no more) on a stormy Sunday night. Over pancakes and bacon, we delved deep into where we had been, where we were and where we wanted to go. We explored past relationships that impacted who we had become. Exploration of heart matters continued well after the coffee grew cold. My understanding of the man across the table from me begin to evolve before my very eyes. What an amazing man he was! How gentle, thoughtful and introspective! And those green eyes! Had I truly not looked into them before? Love was taking shape and no societal restriction could stop it. We were made for each other.
“Love was taking shape and no societal restriction could stop it. We were made for each other.”
A year later, I was on tour in California. We had a day off and a few singers invited me to drive into San Francisco to sightsee. As it had been a long time since I had experienced the Golden Gate Bridge and the many beautiful sights of the city, I jumped at the chance. As we strolled around the awe-inspiring Palace of Fine Arts, I experienced one of the singular greatest moments of my life. Wayne, the ultimate romantic, followed me to California, got down on one knee in front of God, friends and strangers, and asked me to love him for life. In one perfect moment, my life changed forever.
In the spring of 2013, we gathered our closest friends and family into the backyard of a dear friend and pledged our lives and love to each other forever. God blessed us with the one sunny day of that week. Our friends and family were full of tears, love and support. It was a magical day and I have never regretted my decision to dive deep in love with him. Thinking back on that moment still causes my heart to swell with overwhelming love that will, no doubt, last for a lifetime.
Anti-Miscegenation and Interracial Marriage
Why am I telling you our love story? Because, nearly 55 years ago, our love was illegal. State laws forbid interracial marriages, considering them unlawful and sanctioning those who dared with fines and prison time. Consider the perspective of Congressman Roddenbury (1912):
Intermarriage between whites and blacks is repulsive and averse to every sentiment of pure American spirit. It is abhorrent and repugnant to the very principles of Saxon government. It is subversive of social peace. It is destructive of moral supremacy, and ultimately this slavery of white women to black beasts will bring this nation a conflict as fatal as ever reddened the soil of Virginia or crimsoned the mountain paths of Pennsylvania… Let us uproot and exterminate now this debasing, ultra-demoralizing, un-American and inhuman leprosy
Congressional Record, 62d. Congr., 3d. Sess., December 11, 1912, pp. 502–503
Could you imagine someone seeing your true love as ‘debasing…inhuman leprosy”?
In 1967, the Lovings were arrested and charged with adultery for living together as an interracial couple. In the Lovings v. Virginia case, they won the lawsuit and the Supreme Court struck down anti-miscegenation laws related to interracial marriage, considering them unconstitutional. Louisiana repealed the law in 1975, Mississippi in 1987, South Carolina in 1988 and Alabama held on to it until 2000. Consider those anti-miscegenation laws remained in some state constitutions for over 30 years after it was deemed unconstitutional by the United States Supreme Court!
Why am I telling you our love story? Because, nearly 53 years ago, our love was illegal.
We will Continue to Love
The fight to maintain the right to marry freely is not over. As recently as 2009, a Louisiana Justice of the Peace, refused to marry a couple because they were interracial partners. Understanding that this was only about 10 years ago, lets us know that we have a LONG way to go to fully address the systemic discrimination that people face in this country.
Meanwhile, we will continue to love. We will honor the Lovings and other courageous people like them by living with our partners proudly. We will continue to love without regard to archaic societal positions and perspectives. Instead of bowing to the (now implied) anti-miscegenation social norms, we will proudly take up a slice of the American marriage pie, representing 17% of marriages in the United States. We will continue to love our partners, have healthy parent/child relationships and positively contribute to our global society. Because what we have is BEAUTIFUL.
“Love recognizes no boundaries. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination, full of hope.”
It has been an overwhelming couple of months, y’all. The year started with chaos at work. Then. the Covid-19 pandemic hit. Although I am a textbook extrovert, I welcomed time at home with my guys, a stacked fridge and Netflix. I was overdue to some downtime and self-care! Just when I was finding my rhythm, someone sent me a video to watch with the caption, “Can you believe this ****?!” That should have been my first clue not to watch it, but it was a fellow social worker so I figured that it was something outlandishly funny or something that required immediate and serious attention. It proved to be the latter as I watched a young black man being gunned down in the street. Ahmaud Aberey. My soul is instantly troubled. I could feel the rumblings under the earth and knew that this usually happens in threes. Then, Breonna Taylor. Shot in her bed by unmarked officers at the wrong home, in the middle of the night. My thoughts began to race throughout the day; I struggled to understand how things like this happen. I started reading up on the disproportionate amount of women killed by police officers. I try to balance the heaviness with sleep and some self-care. And just when I got to the place where I could process the current events without it pulling me under, a new video surfaced. This time, I knew what would happen and I didn’t watch it. I just couldn’t. But the details began to surface. “That cop has such a smug look on his face.” “He said, ‘I can’t breathe’!” “Oh my God, I fell apart when he called for his momma…” Without ever pressing play, it was like I was standing on the street corner, watching yet another black person die by the hands of the vigilante. I couldn’t fall asleep without my thoughts racing to those faces. My appetite began to wane; almost a whole day would pass before I realized I hadn’t eaten anything. Tears would fall, without hesitation, when I would look at my wonderfully blended boys and realize that I would have to have the ‘Talk’ with them sooner than I was ready for. My anxiety was so deep that I felt like my limbs could take flight if I wasn’t grounded by someone or something.
We are not Alone
“Three times the charm,” I thought, ironically, as the world began to raise its voice in lament. #blacklivesmatter was tagged all over social media platforms and protests were already being formed. People were speaking out. They were angry. They were sad. They were disappointed. Why did this keep happening?? How many black and brown people have to die before we, as a collective, set things right?
In the midst of my frenetic combing through historical race laws, brushing up on deeply systemic the racist structure is in our country and digging into social media platforms to glean from the brilliant minds of today’s scholars on race, I came across a video clip. In this shot, it was a little girl, on one knee, first in the air, watching a protest stream by her. She remained there, even after one of the protesters broke rank and gave her a fist bump. My racing thoughts screeched to a halt. Our children are experiencing this! Our children are experiencing this WITH US! There is no invisible shield that is protecting their hearts and minds from the crises. While I was struggling to process grief/loss, pandemic, societal ills, vicarious trauma, so were my babies.
While I understand that kids and adults do not process in the exact same manner, I was able to connect the dots. Struggling to sleep at night? Check. Increased irritability and tearfulness? Check. Need for closeness, extra hugs and kisses? Check. Furtively looking at me as if gauging my mood? Check. My beautiful boys were living with their own stressors and feelings and, as devastated as I was as an individual, I felt this intense desire, as their mother, to help them deal with their emotional aches and pains in a way that wouldn’t overwhelm them. I had to find a place, fill it with grace and hold space for them to explore their feelings. And, by God, I was going to figure out how to do that.
Let’s Have a Talk
I started by creating space for my thoughts and feelings. I had to offload some of these heavy and complex emotions in a safe and meaningful way. So, I reached out to my Lafayette Mom friends, dug in deep with my accountability team and my husband got ears full of my feelings and thoughts. I was talking it out and writing it out and was reaping the benefits of my explorations. Now that I realized how much of my experiences were parallel to those of my kids, my husband and I decided that we would have a talk with them. As we are prone to doing, we piled up in our bed with the kids and started with a simple, “This is happening. What do you think about it?” It was as if they had been waiting for us to initiate the conversation. We explored mommy’s decision to leave her job. Edison empathized feeling worried and nervous, “I feel like that sometimes, like when I go to school.” We talked about things that make us sad, like when someone pushed us down on the playground. “Mom, when you feel sad and hurt, I feel sad and hurt.”, Oliver expressed, which almost brought me to my knees. But, I was reminded of how important it is to consider the children, especially during times of crisis. Assuming that they are too young to process what is happening around them is erroneous. They may not be able to aptly express what they are thinking about the environment around them but they are definitely feeling the energy of the space they live in. Making the space for them to process doesn’t mean that you neglect your emotional self but that you invite them close to you as they grow in emotional intelligence.
Today, at 12:01 am, I resigned from my position as the school social worker at the charter school I have been employed with since 2017. My resignation was submitted with resignation. I hadn’t planned on leaving just yet. With the pandemic hitting hard in the fourth quarter of the 19-20 school year, I felt the overwhelming urge to be there for our students when they finally returned back to school. Knowing the significant challenges some of our kids’ experience – homelessness, hunger, child abuse and neglect, abject poverty – I felt that they needed to see familiar faces and know that they remained important enough to us that we continued to show up.
In the three years I worked there, I gave it my best effort to be a positive, affirming part of the academic environment. Understanding that social work can be intensive and filled with critical moments, I initiated and maintained collaborative work relationships that carried us through some pretty rough days. There were many opportunities to grow in this position and, boy, did I! I learned the indisputable power of Safe Space. Children spend so much of their days feeling unsafe, whether it is because of academic struggles, social/relational skill issues, and/or emotional/cognitive/mental delays. Being able to come into a physical space and breathe, without worrying about what someone would think was paramount to some kids’ daily success. I learned the infinite value that trauma-informed social work brought into the educational environment. My student/social worker connections were healthy and consistent; even students with chronic emotional and behavioral struggles gravitated towards me when in crisis. They knew that we would work on their troubles together, safely, and with respect. I love these students and respect the educators that instructed them. We made a good team…
Must all Good Things Really Come to an End?
In the time I spent working in this school setting, there were many instances that required me to step into the role of the advocate. Whether it was ensuring that students’ rights remained protected or requesting additional resources to help a child who struggled with making it through the school day, I was willing to champion them. As expected, there were times when it was met with resistance. I heard statements like, “I just want to make sure that we are all on the same page.” when I provided resources to a parent whose child faced stringent consequences. Still, I leaned in and advocated my heart out for my students. It didn’t make me popular but it set the precedent that I would do my job with integrity.
As a licensed social worker, I serve from the perspective of six key values: service, social justice, dignity and worth of a human being, importance of human relationships, competence and integrity. In this position, these values were challenged regularly. I remember my clinical supervisor asking me, during a session, “Do you think that you can maintain your integrity in this position?” And, although I answered yes, without hesitation, I remember reflecting on our discourse later that evening. I remember thinking, “so far, you have been able to maintain integrity while doing the work. But, what happens if it could cost you your job?” Little did I know that it would be part of the ultimate test of my career.
You Put a WHAT in my Office??
Mid-February, I walked into my office and placed my items on my desk. I quickly realized that there was a fine film of sheetrock dust on my desk. On my chair. On the floor. It was EVERYWHERE. I frantically looked around to see what could have caused such a mess. As I glanced up, I realized that there was a security camera. In my office. What in the world was it doing there?? I beelined to my direct supervisor and wanted to know what, when, how, who…I was so full of questions! And I was immediately filled with dread because I knew that a recording device in the therapeutic space was only allowed in the strictest of circumstances and this wasn’t it. After requesting a meeting with the school administration, I did what I thought was prudent – I reported the additional limitation of confidentiality to my licensing board. Why? For two reasons; one, I wanted to be proactive in alerting the board instead of someone informing the board about me. Two, I wanted to make sure I was not misunderstanding the law. After a series of meetings during which educators attempted to explain the Louisiana Social Work Practice Act to me while I explain, using the same laws, why I would be in violation, I was informed that the expectation remained that I continue to see children in my office, their safe space, with an active camera. It was also decided that I was not to obtain written informed consent that included the additional limitation of confidentiality. I was totally blown away. I didn’t understand the reticence, the entrenched refusal to even consider viable solutions to the issue. Even after receiving feedback from the social work board that supported my understanding of my legal and ethical expectations, the school’s stance did not change. I was ultimately told that the camera would remain in my office and that I could not obtain informed written consent from the parents regarding it. My choices were: comply or resign.
Can You Maintain Integrity in this Position?
I battled for solutions, friends. I really did. I loved the work. I loved my students. I wanted to be there when they showed up for school in August, overwhelmed and out of sorts. I wanted to be a part of an effective team that worked together harmoniously, putting the kids first. But, it became clear that it was not going to work out that way. Instead of collaborating on a viable solution (I had offered three and was open to options), I had been iced out, and then, targeted. The intimidation, the games, the coercion; it was in full effect. I could feel myself sinking deeper into anxiety. I knew that I was not going to back down from my request that they reconsider their stance and remove the camera. The students needed a safe space in the building to simply BE when struggling through the day. However, I quickly realized that this argument fell on deaf ears. Finally, when the actual legal and ethical standards that govern my profession was met with an ultimatum, I had to make a choice: will I bow to demands that violate the rights of the students and the social work profession or do I walk away?
Under duress, I decided to walk away. The question had been answered. No, I could no longer maintain my integrity in this position, as is. The position no longer allowed space for me to do so. And, as much as I love and will miss the students, I understand that I cannot do the work with integrity while submitting to illegal practices. As hurtful and demeaning as the experience was, I knew that I was able to practice social work with the honesty that is required in an effective social worker. My goal, upon accepting the position, was to leave the position in a better place than I left it. And, by the amazing responses of my coworkers throughout the day, I truly believe that I did.
