Author: nlbunner

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The Holiday Conversation

This may come up as you sit around the family table tomorrow. You know what I’m talking about – the two conversations that rarely end well. No, not LSU and Nick Saban! Religion and politics. You know your family better than I do. Do YOU think you should initiate the conversation about the impeachment hearings or Chick-Fil-A pulling their holy funds from anti-LGBTQIA+ organizations?

Well, do you??

Here’s my disclaimer: I truly understand the value of healthy, crucial conversations. When both parties are listening to understand and exploring thought with truth and grace, the revelations birthed from that discourse can deepen a relationship in such a profound way. If these are the family dynamics around your Thanksgiving table, go forth and have a blessed holiday season.

But for the rest of us… Let’s talk

The primary question to consider is this: what kind of holiday experience do we want? It’s an important question. Our answer will influence how we will approach holiday table talk. If we want to have conversations with family and friends that foster love and laughter at the dinner table, consider that exchanging hilarious stories from childhood might be more effective than bringing up the 2020 election.

Remember, we have no control over how uncle JJ will behave after his second two-finger pour. He may initiate his opinion of the Catholic church. But, does that mean we have to react to his notions? If Grandma starts hounding you about finding a man (“but NOT a Muslim!”) or having another baby (“A girl, already! You have enough boys!”), do we allow our emotions to impair our ability to navigate those statements?

Perhaps, instead of giving them our “keeping it 100” retort, we should remind ourselves of our preferred holiday experience and consider a few ways to capture it:

  • Redirect the conversation to something that we can both explore in a meaningful way.
  • For the more persistent intrusions, speak kindly and firmly that we are not interested in conversing about the offensive topic today.
  • If they are insistent in pushing toxic conversations, don’t be afraid to discontinue the interaction and start a conversation with someone else. Why? Because BOUNDARIES, that’s why!

The holiday table can be a minefield at times. Our families aren’t always in perfect sync and things can get hairy as we try to connect with each other. However, we can get through the day unscathed simply by intentionally using our words to bring light, love and laughter. Just know that, if the family holiday experience becomes such an arduous task that we dread attending, we should probably process why we continue to go. It might be time to start a new holiday tradition!

Sara Kuburic, CCC (@millennial_therapist) dropped this awesome post on Instagram that supports our efforts to speak kindly and firmly to intrusive conversations, Enjoy!

@millennial_therapist
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All. Of. The. Food: How to Navigate Holiday Eating

Food Relapse is REAL, people!

You could have successfully watched every fat, carb and protein calorie that entered your mouth for TEN months and fall prey to the dessert table on Thanksgiving Day! How does it happen? Frankly, holiday stress and an abundance of food! I know family time is generally good times but it can be stressful so don’t come @ me. But, with a little few effective techniques, we can bypass that setback and enjoy our holidays without guilt!

Okay, before you totally flip out, know that this post isn’t about avoiding the peach cobbler and pecan pie on the Thanksgiving menu. It’s about enjoying the holiday experience without relying on food to get through it. This took me years to learn and my execution still isn’t perfect. However, it has helped me conquer my compulsion to eat my holiday emotions. Here are a few simple tips and techniques that have worked for me and mine.

Ways to Enjoy Holiday Food without Guilt

  • Planning and Preparing: A big part of holiday relapse is showing up to the feast with no idea how to navigate the eating portion effectively. Every time I attempted to show up and wing it, I overate and felt like garbage afterward. For me, planning includes having a general sense of the menu. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Is there anything I can bring that can round out the menu?” They will usually offer up the menu in the discussion, giving you the information you need to prepare for the day. Then, you can determine if the menu provides you with opportunities to eat in moderation.
  • Balance the Plate: I know how easy it is to eat your colors on the Thanksgiving plate – yellow mac & cheese, green bean casserole, brown cornbread dressing – we love to eat the carbs! This Thanksgiving, find ways to tilt the plate towards health by adding proteins and lean greens, if possible. Don’t scrimp on the dessert table but choose SLIVERS of cake instead of slices. Remember, there is always the “take-home” plate.
  • Avoid Eating your Emotions: As much as we love seeing family during the holidays, it can be quite stressful for some. And, that’s okay. Acknowledge it and ensure that your support system is ready to encourage and assist you during this time. Understand that eating five pounds of Thanksgiving dinner will not eradicate your anxiety but leaning into your support squad can

Thanksgiving will be here before we know it. Don’t dread it. Anticipate the good times to be had by all and know that food is just the icing on the proverbial cake. Eat and enjoy!

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It’s Thanksgiving Week!

It’s holiday break time! Most of us have been looking forward to rest, relaxation and good food! We want to make this week as amazing as possible. So, I will be dropping little tidbits of encouragement and support in hopes that it will enhance your holiday experience!

Giving our Kids Grace and Space

Remember to give your kids grace this week as they process a completely different schedule, new transitions, new people and places. Holiday breaks can be a huge challenge for kids, especially those who need consistent routines.

Physical autonomy is most important during these times. Help them create and maintain healthy boundaries with others. This is a great training ground to foster healthy affection with family and friends.

What will be your focus this week? Giving your kids more grace or more space?

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Mindful Mondays: 5…4…3…2…1

Thought:

Tip:

One way to bring a restless mind back to center is to use a technique called “Five Senses”. It is a grounding exercise that helps one focus on what is in the immediate instead of the past or the future. Try it when you are feeling frazzled, anxious, frustrated or unfocused.

  • Take a deep breath. Hold it for 1…2…3…seconds. Release it: 3…2…1
  • Focus on your surroundings. Name 5 things you can see. Name them out loud. “I see the painting on the wall…I see the red chair…”
  • What do you hear? Name 4 things that you can hear. Name them out loud. “I hear the scraping of the chair…I hear a door close…”
  • Name 3 things that you can feel. Name them out loud. “I feel my sweater on my skin…I feel the sweat on my forehead…”
  • Name 2 things that you can smell. Name them out loud. “I smell the scent of my lotion…I smell the air freshener…” If you can not smell anything, name two favorite smells.
  • Lastly, name 1 thing that you can taste. Name it out loud. “I taste my peppermint…” If you can not smell anything, name your favorite taste.”
  • Now that you have completed the exercise, breath. Hold for 3…2…1. Release it: 3…2…1.

Thanks:

I am grateful for parents and parent in-laws that love spending time with our children. This weekend, my kids enjoyed their time with my parents and I was truly thankful for that.

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Mindful Monday: Mindful Listening

Thought:

Tip:

What’s that Sound? Helping your kids learn the value of silence

Ever heard of the ‘Silence Game’? The goal of this activity is to help kids create healthy intentional listening abilities. This can be used by educators and parents alike. Here is an except from a wonderful article by Maren Schmidt, a renown Montesorri educator.

“To play, gather up ten or so items that you can manipulate to create a noise, for example, clicking a pen, moving the teeth of a comb, crumbling a piece of paper, tapping a fork on a table, flicking a fingernail against a glass, opening and closing a clothespin, etc. Invite your children to turn their backs to you. Tell them you’re going to make a noise and they should guess what it is. Make sure the room is quiet as possible, with television and radio turned off. Make three or four sounds and have the children guess. “

Thanks:

We all need that friend who we can be accountable to, be challenged by and grow with. I am blessed with several of such friends. Today, I am grateful for my friend, my confidant, Sarah Thibodeaux. I am guaranteed to be stretched and provoked to deeper thought with her. I love you, Sarah. You’re the best!

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Mindful Monday: Gratitude and Kind Wishes

Thought: Kind Wishes

Tip: The Gratitude Jar

A gratitude jar is a great way to practice mindful gratitude.  Start the morning with Post-It notes and jot down one thing something you are thankful for.  Place the note in the Gratitude Jar of your choosing.  Next step mindfulness: at the end of the week, reflect with gratitude over some of the notes. 

Thanks:

I am grateful for time. Time to love freely. Time to sit and reflect. Time to connect and reconnect. Time to bask in the goodness of my life. What are you grateful for?

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The Spectrum of ADHD: Scott Kelly

You are an astronaut. An engineer. A retired fighter pilot. A Navy captain. You are Scott Kelly and you have ADHD. What was considered challenges for many became assets for him. So, what do you do with the knowledge and skills that you’ve gained over the years? You pass it on to someone else.

October is ADHD Awareness Month but ADHD doesn’t take a break: it is a full-time issue. So, let’s help our little and big people see their worth, as they are RIGHT NOW. Be their advocate, champion them as they seek and find the skills that help them succeed. One of the most powerful things we can do for those we love is to remind them that ADHD is only one aspect of them; it doesn’t define them. Respect their superpower. And, above all, be KIND.

Learn more about ADHD: Understood.org

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The Spectrum of ADHD: Bex Taylor-Klaus

“Can’t you sit still for ONE MINUTE!”

“You’ll never learn this if you don’t focus!”

“What is wrong with you?!”

“Will you just pay attention for ONCE?!”

Can you envision the impact of those statements on one’s childhood? Ingesting the embedded message that you are worthless, simply because you struggled with symptoms of ADHD? Actor Bex Taylor-Klaus has. Yet, with time, they identified the benefits of being neurodivergent and how to optimize ADHD in many areas of their life.

You have a unique way of looking at things.

Wow! That was very creative/innovative/original!”

“Let’s take this process, one step at a time, so you can understand it.”

“I notice the effort you are making to follow instructions. Keep it up!”

Knowing how negative messages can deeply impact how we see ourselves, intentionally learning about ADHD may aid us in becoming a positive, powerful voice for those who live with it. Knowledge is power. Our willingness to learn can empower others to go on and do amazing things!

Learn more about ADHD: Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA)

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The Spectrum of ADHD: Michael Phelps

Imagine being tall, gangly with big ears and poor impulse control. Imagine being the kid that caused so many disruptions in class that teachers became weary at the sight of you. Imagine struggling with all of your might to get through one school day without getting in trouble. Then, imagine someone introducing you to something that challenges you, strengths you and aligns you with greatness. Imagine being Michael Phelps.

ADHD could have defined him and, for some, it has. However, Michael had someone in his corner that we all need: a champion and, in his case, a rock-star Mom. Below, Debbie Phelps explores how she determined to focus on what made Michael unique instead of trying to fit him to a socially normative box:

We all need an advocate, children most of all. Children with ADHD need us to speak up and speak out for them; they need to know that they hold value at their most fidgety and least focused. When we truly see those with ADHD as human beings with burgeoning potential, we can contribute to their ultimate success.

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The Spectrum of ADHD: Simone Biles

October is ADHD Awareness Month. American society has been conditioned to view Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder as just that, being out of order. However, this series will highlight the amazing qualities of ADHD that have propelled actors, athletes, and incredibly successful world changers into greatness.

ADHD is a Superpower

You don’t believe me? Let’s ask Simone Biles, the GOAT of gymnastics!

The Takeaway

Biles made a powerful point: “If you make them think of [ADHD] as a problem, then they will think they have a problem…if they think of it as a superpower, then that’s kind of cool.” When we understand that there are benefits to having ADHD (and, YES, there are benefits!) and explore them with our kids (and adults), they may feel confident enough to hone their skills into powerful abilities. Take the time to nurture the greatness in your child!

Learn More about ADHD: ADDitude