Author: nlbunner

I could tell when he woke up this morning that it was an “Oh No!” kind of day. He seemed irritable and withdrawn. His usual voracious appetite dwindled down to him leaving his breakfast half-eaten. And, most noticeably, he looked sad. After intervening in three different conflicts between him and his brother before breakfast, one being that he wanted his biscuit closed after I put jelly on it (and I didn’t because he demanded it…Go, me. #powerstruggle ?), he sat at the dinner table in a full-blown pout. I squelched the desire to gather up his little 5-year old attitude and throw it out the front door and, instead, sat next to him.

“What is going on, bud?”

He grunted and turned away.

“Do you need space? Do you need a hug?

He turned to me and said, “I need a hug.“

As I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled him close to me, I felt deep empathy for him. Before I even asked, I knew what was going on. Everything was off. Even with the effort to provide him with some daily structure at home, it was just not the same. As I held him, he burst into tears. Heartbroken sobs came from deep in his little soul. And, I felt that. As I recently explored in a Lafayette Mom post, sometimes we all need a good cry. We just need to be held and told that this topsy turvy experience is just temporary. He said that he missed his classroom, his friends, his teachers. I told him that, although I didn’t know when he would see them again, he can have as many hugs as he needed today.

Ways to Help Kids Deal With Transition

When we think about transitions in our own lives, we consider the big ones first, like moving to a new city, losing a job, marriage, divorce or adapting to parenthood. That level of change caused ripple effects in our lives that may still affect us to this day. As we are prone to prioritize importance to life events based on their impact on our lives, it is easy to overlook or minimize the impact of change on our children.

And, let’s face it: A 30-day school shutdown that came without warning is a huge deal to a child. I am an adult and was SHOOK by the news! So, imagine trying to process such a major change as a child who, for better or worse, came to rely on the structure that most educational environments provide. Frankly, I’m surprised that it took him so long to express his feelings about missing school. Still, as a mom, I want to help him acclimate to this new experience as healthy as possible.

Here’s what is working for us…

1. We are focusing on social-emotional health. As important as the academic work is during this season, we are highlighting SE skill building that will benefit them in life, regardless of what grade they are in. (Check out our #LearningatHome post on nataliebunner.com for in-depth exploration of this! )
2. We are trying to keep the communication lines open. Most teachers use some form of communication app, such as ClassTag or Remind, to maintain an open dialogue with parents. We are using this to keep communication open with their teachers and friends! Whether we make a little video or email a virtual note or an e-card, our goal is to help maintain positive interaction with their peers until they reunite at school.
3. We are fostering empathy. This is a great opportunity to model and encourage compassion for others who may also feel disconnected and lonely. We have a Creative Moment planned to make cards for some awesome seniors in our community nursing homes. This allows them to process their own feelings about the recent upheaval while bringing hope and positivity to others.

There is no magic cure for taking away the transition blues. However, with time, love, and tons of hugs, we can help our kids deal with this transition and many more to come. Parents, what are YOU using to help your children deal with this transition? We would love to hear from you!

School’s Out for…Ever??

Our world is in a challenging season, isn’t it? We are now faced with a new pandemic that shall not be named because everybody and their mother is talking about the dreaded “C-word” right now. However, it has forced us to change our daily routines, embrace the term ‘social distancing’ and, honestly, consider our mortality. My kids were restricted from school for 30 days. 30 DAYS! Thankfully, I also work in an educational environment and also was sequestered to my home for the allotted days. I fluctuate between feeling worried about the possible outcomes of the virus and frustrated about the professional plans that are now on hold due to this outbreak. I was deep into the worry/frustration of it all when I realized…

The kids are watching…

My sons are 6 and 5. They do not truly understand why they cannot attend school for several weeks. Or, when they will get to see their friends again. If you’ve struggled to process the past few days, think of how your children are feeling. Although my husband and I sat down with them and explained it as close to their level as we could, I’m not sure if they really grasped what is going on. But, they were watching us. I know that they are taking their cues from us; how we respond to the issues that surrounded us helps them determine their own response.

So… What do I want them to learn in this season?

It’s probably not what you think. Although most diligent parents are concerned about their kids’ education and are taking action to preserve academic progress, the lessons I’m teaching aren’t generally found in a textbook. Here are the learning areas that are worth visiting (and revisiting) with your kids:

• Emotional Regulation: The unfortunate reality is that very few educational settings allow room for social-emotional learning. The expectation in most classrooms is that children should automatically know how to manage their emotional selves. During our #learningathome experiment, we have focused on identifying emotions and how to manage them. Using both real-life experiences and this awesome collection of YouTube videos Baby A Nursery – Feeling and Emotions, we are working towards building the vital skillset of emotional management.
• Child/Adult Relationship: In the words of LR Knost, “When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.” This is a major life lesson for parents as well. Although I have been working with children for over 25 years and have two kids of my own, I realize that I may be working on this lesson for the rest of my life. Helping my kids build healthy discourse with the adults in their lives by using their listening ears during interaction with others, disagreeing appropriately, and negotiating their needs respectively is vital to their maintaining positive relationship with others.
• Promoting Proximal Development: Every one of us is growing in some area of our lives. Kids are learning things like dressing themselves, personal hygiene and cleaning up after themselves. They may not be able to do those things with 100% accuracy but they in the developing stages of these areas, which needs to be promoted. So, taking advantage of the 30-day ban, the boys are required to make an effort to take care of themselves, within reason. They chose their clothes and dress themselves every morning, for example. Is it executed with perfection daily? No. And, that’s okay. They are LEARNING. These skills will benefit them for the rest of their days.
• Resilience: One of the safest places to foster resilience is in the home. The boys are learning how to deal with hurt feelings, speak assertively versus aggressively and disagree appropriately. Teaching them how to bounce back from a skinned knee, problem solve on their own and deal with disappointment are vital lessons that will serve them well in life.

What are you and your kids #LearningatHome?

This school restriction may be a blessing in disguise, my friends. I know many of you want to do what is best for your kids during this uncertain time. As challenging as this time is, I hope that strengthening these skills within our kids is at the forefront of our training. Your kids will thank you later!