by: Niki Abida, SWI
Talk So Others Will Actually Listen!
Ever had one of those moments when you’re pouring your heart out, and the other person responds with a simple “Okay” or “That’s cool”? Or perhaps you’ve asked your child how their day went, and the answer was a resounding “Fine.” Cue the inner monologue: “That’s it? Fine? What does that even mean?” Communication can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. Add in personality differences, unique communication styles, and the occasional misstep, and it’s no wonder misunderstandings happen. Let’s break it down and figure out how to meet in the middle while respecting each other’s communication styles, boundaries, and needs.
Why does effective communication matter? Research shows that effective communication enhances relationship satisfaction, promotes emotional intimacy, and reduces conflict. According to a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, couples who actively work on their communication skills report higher levels of happiness and lower rates of divorce (Abreu-Afonso et al., 2021). Similarly, open communication between parents and children enhances emotional security, self-esteem, and better problem-solving abilities. Communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about listening, interpreting, and responding in ways that honor the other person’s perspective. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned and refined.
Emotional vs. Logical Leaning Communicators
Imagine that you’re discussing your day with your partner, and you’re met with minimal responses or straight-to-the-point comments. If you’re someone who thrives on emotional connection and storytelling, it might feel like the other person isn’t engaging.
But what could be happening here? You may be attempting to communicate with a logical communicator! People who lean toward a more logical way of thinking often process information in concise, practical terms. They’re focused on solving problems and might prioritize efficiency in conversations versus the nuances, emotions, and details of a story. This difference can sometimes create friction. The feeling-brained person may think, “Why don’t they care?” while the logical-brained person wonders, “Why do we need to go over every detail?”
Communication often involves a delicate interplay between emotional and logical leanings. Emotional communicators are driven by feelings and often seek immediate validation, whereas logical communicators are analytical, and solution focused. Both approaches have their place, but striking a balance is key to effective communication.
For example, during a disagreement, emotional responses might lead to heightened expressions of frustration or hurt. Logical thinking, on the other hand, can help de-escalate the situation by focusing on facts and possible solutions. The challenge lies in acknowledging and validating emotions while steering the conversation toward constructive outcomes.
Rather than viewing one approach as superior to the other, it’s important to recognize the strengths each style brings to the table. Emotional communicators foster deeper connections by focusing on feelings, while logical communicators help ground conversations in clarity and resolution.
Each person has their own unique communication style.
Practical tips for improving communication with your partner:
- Active Listening: This means fully concentrating on what your partner is saying, rather than preparing your response. Reflect back what you’ve heard to ensure understanding, such as, “What I hear you saying is…”
- Use “I” Statements: Instead of blaming, express your feelings and needs without attacking. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when we’re discussing important topics.”
- Practice Empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Ask questions like, “How did that make you feel?” to demonstrate that you care about their perspective.
- Set Aside Time for Open Dialogue: Life gets busy, but setting aside uninterrupted time to talk about your relationship helps prevent resentment from building up.
- Nonverbal Communication Matters: Your tone, facial expressions, and body language often speak louder than words. Ensure they align with the message you want to convey.
No relationship is without its hurdles. Misunderstandings, defensiveness, and unresolved conflicts can create barriers. When these arise, try to be mindful and you can always pause and revisit the situation with a calmer mindset. Healthy communication MATTERS!