Happy Loving Day!!
Today, on June 12, we are celebrating Loving Day and the couple whose love brought down a wall of systemic racism, by sharing our love story. It took over two years after meeting each other before there was a spark. Wayne was quiet, reserved, stable. A rule follower. I was outgoing, direct, a bit of a rebel. Always on the go. Our friend circles rarely intersected so, initially, we seemed to dance around each other yet never connected. In 2010, everything changed.
As our friend circles became more enmeshed, our interaction grew from Hello and Goodbye to conversations. One day, he mentioned that he enjoyed going to matinees. As it was also one of my favorite things to do, I offered to go with him. So, on Friday afternoons, we would meet up at the movies, get popcorn and catch up on the latest blockbuster in a nearly empty theatre. Matinees turned into movies and coffee, then movies and dinner. There was no rush to make it into something; we just enjoyed each other’s company. The more I got to know him, the more I liked him and the more I wanted to learn about him.
I would be lying if I said that I did not think about what could happen if I became intimately connected with him. As a black woman, I understood that there was a societal understanding that, although it was not illegal to date and marry someone outside your race, it wasn’t necessarily accepted. Especially in the South. And, I was really beginning to like Wayne. Like, REALLY like him. This relationship felt different from the previous ones. It had merit. It held promise. I truly began to feel as if this one could truly work. But, I knew that part of our conversation had to include how race could and would play a part in our relationship.
“I’m Going to Take You Out on a Date”
I was on the road for a gig and missed his birthday party. I called him to wish him a Happy Birthday and told him, “When I get back, I will take you on a date.” Bold, I know! But, he was holding space in my heart, even if I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself yet. Our official first date was at Mel’s Diner (let us have a moment of silence for one of the BEST diners in Lafayette that is no more) on a stormy Sunday night. Over pancakes and bacon, we delved deep into where we had been, where we were and where we wanted to go. We explored past relationships that impacted who we had become. Exploration of heart matters continued well after the coffee grew cold. My understanding of the man across the table from me begin to evolve before my very eyes. What an amazing man he was! How gentle, thoughtful and introspective! And those green eyes! Had I truly not looked into them before? Love was taking shape and no societal restriction could stop it. We were made for each other.
“Love was taking shape and no societal restriction could stop it. We were made for each other.”
A year later, I was on tour in California. We had a day off and a few singers invited me to drive into San Francisco to sightsee. As it had been a long time since I had experienced the Golden Gate Bridge and the many beautiful sights of the city, I jumped at the chance. As we strolled around the awe-inspiring Palace of Fine Arts, I experienced one of the singular greatest moments of my life. Wayne, the ultimate romantic, followed me to California, got down on one knee in front of God, friends and strangers, and asked me to love him for life. In one perfect moment, my life changed forever.
In the spring of 2013, we gathered our closest friends and family into the backyard of a dear friend and pledged our lives and love to each other forever. God blessed us with the one sunny day of that week. Our friends and family were full of tears, love and support. It was a magical day and I have never regretted my decision to dive deep in love with him. Thinking back on that moment still causes my heart to swell with overwhelming love that will, no doubt, last for a lifetime.
Anti-Miscegenation and Interracial Marriage
Why am I telling you our love story? Because, nearly 55 years ago, our love was illegal. State laws forbid interracial marriages, considering them unlawful and sanctioning those who dared with fines and prison time. Consider the perspective of Congressman Roddenbury (1912):
Intermarriage between whites and blacks is repulsive and averse to every sentiment of pure American spirit. It is abhorrent and repugnant to the very principles of Saxon government. It is subversive of social peace. It is destructive of moral supremacy, and ultimately this slavery of white women to black beasts will bring this nation a conflict as fatal as ever reddened the soil of Virginia or crimsoned the mountain paths of Pennsylvania… Let us uproot and exterminate now this debasing, ultra-demoralizing, un-American and inhuman leprosy
Congressional Record, 62d. Congr., 3d. Sess., December 11, 1912, pp. 502–503
Could you imagine someone seeing your true love as ‘debasing…inhuman leprosy”?
In 1967, the Lovings were arrested and charged with adultery for living together as an interracial couple. In the Lovings v. Virginia case, they won the lawsuit and the Supreme Court struck down anti-miscegenation laws related to interracial marriage, considering them unconstitutional. Louisiana repealed the law in 1975, Mississippi in 1987, South Carolina in 1988 and Alabama held on to it until 2000. Consider those anti-miscegenation laws remained in some state constitutions for over 30 years after it was deemed unconstitutional by the United States Supreme Court!
Why am I telling you our love story? Because, nearly 53 years ago, our love was illegal.
We will Continue to Love
The fight to maintain the right to marry freely is not over. As recently as 2009, a Louisiana Justice of the Peace, refused to marry a couple because they were interracial partners. Understanding that this was only about 10 years ago, lets us know that we have a LONG way to go to fully address the systemic discrimination that people face in this country.
Meanwhile, we will continue to love. We will honor the Lovings and other courageous people like them by living with our partners proudly. We will continue to love without regard to archaic societal positions and perspectives. Instead of bowing to the (now implied) anti-miscegenation social norms, we will proudly take up a slice of the American marriage pie, representing 17% of marriages in the United States. We will continue to love our partners, have healthy parent/child relationships and positively contribute to our global society. Because what we have is BEAUTIFUL.
“Love recognizes no boundaries. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination, full of hope.”
Maya Angelou