This may come up as you sit around the family table tomorrow. You know what I’m talking about – the two conversations that rarely end well. No, not LSU and Nick Saban! Religion and politics. You know your family better than I do. Do YOU think you should initiate the conversation about the impeachment hearings or Chick-Fil-A pulling their holy funds from anti-LGBTQIA+ organizations?
Well, do you??
Here’s my disclaimer: I truly understand the value of healthy, crucial conversations. When both parties are listening to understand and exploring thought with truth and grace, the revelations birthed from that discourse can deepen a relationship in such a profound way. If these are the family dynamics around your Thanksgiving table, go forth and have a blessed holiday season.
But for the rest of us… Let’s talk
The primary question to consider is this: what kind of holiday experience do we want? It’s an important question. Our answer will influence how we will approach holiday table talk. If we want to have conversations with family and friends that foster love and laughter at the dinner table, consider that exchanging hilarious stories from childhood might be more effective than bringing up the 2020 election.
Remember, we have no control over how uncle JJ will behave after his second two-finger pour. He may initiate his opinion of the Catholic church. But, does that mean we have to react to his notions? If Grandma starts hounding you about finding a man (“but NOT a Muslim!”) or having another baby (“A girl, already! You have enough boys!”), do we allow our emotions to impair our ability to navigate those statements?
Perhaps, instead of giving them our “keeping it 100” retort, we should remind ourselves of our preferred holiday experience and consider a few ways to capture it:
- Redirect the conversation to something that we can both explore in a meaningful way.
- For the more persistent intrusions, speak kindly and firmly that we are not interested in conversing about the offensive topic today.
- If they are insistent in pushing toxic conversations, don’t be afraid to discontinue the interaction and start a conversation with someone else. Why? Because BOUNDARIES, that’s why!
The holiday table can be a minefield at times. Our families aren’t always in perfect sync and things can get hairy as we try to connect with each other. However, we can get through the day unscathed simply by intentionally using our words to bring light, love and laughter. Just know that, if the family holiday experience becomes such an arduous task that we dread attending, we should probably process why we continue to go. It might be time to start a new holiday tradition!
Sara Kuburic, CCC (@millennial_therapist) dropped this awesome post on Instagram that supports our efforts to speak kindly and firmly to intrusive conversations, Enjoy!
